A friend once teased me that I must live in a world of rainbows + puppy dogs. Although that statement proved to be true this summer, I do live in a very entertaining world. Here is a small glimpse into the life of B. By the way, most of this happened in a week’s time. Imagine a lifetime of this.
I went shopping at the Kroghetto near my house and bought my cart-full of goods. Apparently, the shopping carts now have wheel lock monitors. When the cart hits a certain point in the parking lot, the wheels lock up and it will no longer move. At all. It is frozen. Due to the normal nature of cart & parking lot chaos at this particular establishment, I didn’t question why so many carts were not in corrals. Although beneficial to cart theft, it isn’t helpful for the girl that parks at the far corner of the parking lot. In fear of grocery theft, I decided to walk back & forth and back & forth and back & forth instead of driving to the locked cart. It never occurred to me that I should just drive my car to the cart after the first trip. I got lots of steps in that day. I now park inside the tar lines for full cart mobility.
The neighbor kid decides that 1:30AM is the perfect time to set off fireworks on a non-holiday. Disgruntled by the sleep interruption, I get up, reject the notion of shoes, and walk barefoot down my sidewalk and halfway down his drive to yell [politely] at him and his friends. I now sleep with a few golf clubs and my car alarm key.
I realized I have a fear of tripping inside a particular bathroom stall at work and falling eye-first into the coat hanger on the door. I now place my hand over the hanger upon exiting.
I told myself, “Self, don’t put your phone in that sweater pocket. It will fall out and break.” I continued to put my phone in the pocket. No more than 10 steps later, it fell out and the screen cracked. I now have a shiny new phone with a good case and screen protector.
I have a semi-creepy basement that I usually avoid, until recently. It is now a functional craftsman space. Naturally, I was so excited to no longer be afraid down there that I spray painted a bunch of frames. The issue: the only ventilation goes up…into the house. I now make sure the basement door to the outside world is open so I don’t fumes myself to death. I don’t need any help with crazy.